Five Things I Learned on a Flight to Chicago / by Michael Epstein

1. A coat and a messenger bag can't both fit under the seat in front of you. If you try it, people will get hurt.

2. Taking a piss standing on an airplane going through turbulence could be a pretty good event for a reality show.

3. You can't jump back into a turn-based RPG after putting it down for a week or two. It's just too hard to get back into the swing of things.

4. For better or worse, Esquire really is just Oprah for dudes. This month's favorite things include: Trains, high-proof liquor, fatherhood and pants.

At least the writing's good.

5. It's rude, person sitting next to me, to fall asleep with your arms crossed. You will poke people and they (I) will silently judge you for it.